Pain: The Pattern Breaker
No pain no growth no change
--
there was no question of next
they just flow into the next
without even knowing or caring
but as soon as pain or discomfort arose
they were suddenly so concerned:
“how to fill time,
how would the next happen,
time would never get filled,
oh my routines,
oh what about my
self-image maintenance program,
wtf without hope of remaining the same
I am just going to panic
or go back to the “less-humbled” version of me
as I was all “humbled” myself with improvement gimmicks
— whatever that stupid cliche word “humbled” even mean
how arrogant one must be to say “I humbled on purpose” —
of course, since my improvement hope is threatened
now I should just fkn panic, right?
or responsibly find the right
colored pills, right?
Oh my sleep is disturbed,
maybe I will violently sit with pain
release that piece of shit
after all, it’s a stupid thing
that must be taken out of me, right?
it doesn’t belong to the great me
I am the righteous doer, after all,
or will bully a therapist to suck it out
and go back to the comfort zone
after all, it's my responsibility
to safeguard my comfort zone
unlike other losers, right?”
— and so went their infantile tantrums
as soon as life challenged their bullshit
as if there was something to do
than to see now how things unfold
now that one is at the mercy of the growth process
and not charting my growth plan idiotically.
“Most people tell you they want to get out of kindergarten, but don’t believe them. Don’t believe them! All they want you to do is to mend their broken toys. “Give me back my wife. Give me back my job. Give me back my money. Give me back my reputation, my success.” This is what they want; they want their toys replaced. That’s all. Even the best psychologist will tell you that, that people don’t really want to be cured. What they want is relief; a cure is painful.”― Anthony de Mello, Awareness
